Home
New? Start Here!
KETO FAQs
Keto Calculator
Shop

Contact

Your Name (required)

Your Email (required)

Subject

Your Message

0 Shares

Hi! I’m Marissa

I lost 90 lbs on the ketogenic diet and gained 40 lbs back. I started this blog to finally hold myself accountable while losing the rest of my weight. This is my story!

Search

The KETO Box

Popular Posts

The Ultimate Master Carb List

Kettle & Fire

Pinterest

Disclosure

Instagram post 2246302817633507943_5826875204

After yesterday’s post, I got a message asking if I was ok. My picture looked like I was happy, but my excerpt was concerning. I explained that my picture (along with my writing) was meant to be an image of hope.
I don’t want to give the impression that I’m okay - because I’m not. (I put on a good show.) I do however WANT to give the impression that I CHOOSE to BE okay. I am strong. I am worthy. I deserve all that I’m working towards.

AND SO ARE YOU.

Some days it’s a struggle to get out of bed; other days I’m a badass, productive human being. It’s a dichotomous cycle. Writing is cathartic for me and is an integral part of my healing right now.

So, as I’m reflecting today, I’ve realized some things about myself that I’m ready to ADMIT. No excuses. No reasons. Just copping to the truth.

1. I like to write. I like to express my feelings and thoughts through written word... and I’m good at it.
2. I believe in God. I believe that He has a plan for me and I believe He has given me the resources and tools to help His plan come to fruition.
3. I see life in black and white; all or nothing. I believe this way of thinking impedes emotional growth and I DISLIKE this part of my persona.
4. I am a highly sensitive person and can cry at the drop of a hat.
5. As I’ve lost relationships due to death or otherwise, I’ve also lost some of my independence.
6. I don’t trust people as much as I’d like to.
7. I believe that I am a pretty woman, but my self-esteem is at an all time low.
8. I lost my sense of humor and often times feel guilty for being happy or having fun.
9. I enjoy helping people but do so at my own expense.
10. I have an unhealthy relationship with boundaries and expectations - both for myself and others.

I never truly healed from past wounds, but simply accepted myself as is. I gave up on change until I met someone WORTH changing for.
Through my healing, just like any remediation, there are highs and lows. But, the world doesn’t stop and neither will I.

EVENTUALLY, I will come to a place of full restoration. I will be BETTER than I was when I started. I’m embracing change. I’m no longer afraid to grow. “I’m still working on my masterpiece.” - Jessie J

Instagram post 2245538464743448267_5826875204

I sit in darkness.
The echo of air ringing in my ears.
My pain has become physical.
Irritated, tender, sore...
My thoughts have become vacant.
Numb, anesthetized, immobile... I breathe deeply.
The air from within fills my lungs.
My heart has become ravaged.
Shattered, dismantled, prey...
My emotions have become clouded.
Uncertain, dubious, milky... I cry alone.
The tears rain down my cheeks.
My logic has become a lie.
Concocted, invented, phony...
My feelings have become scarce.
Deficient, seldom, scant... Every breath has become false hope; every beat undesirable. Perpetual coma... Suddenly, a resounding ache.
Its pressure limits my flow.
Yet, is paramount.
Impetus, advancement, cure. ❤️🙏🏼

Instagram post 2242694165139932018_5826875204

Every day, one of the priests from a local parish in my community comes into the gym where I work and we chat. It’s usually just casual in nature, but today was different. He walked in, scanned his card, leaned over the counter slightly and quietly said, “He still loves you.” I literally burst into tears. I don’t know if he was referring to God or someone else,and he never said, but I proceeded to explain a situation I’ve been struggling with lately. He sat with me and listened intently. I explained how defeated I feel; I can’t seem to do anything right; I take one step forward and two steps back.
When it seemed like I was done, he said to me, “If you already knew the outcome, would you still do the things necessary to achieve it?” M I N D B L O W N

If I knew I was going to lose 60 lbs - would I still go the gym and eat right? If I knew I’d have the relationship I want, would I still improve my mindset and change destructive behaviors?

It’s something I haven’t stopped thinking about because it seems like the very thing I’m struggling with is ME. So how do I get out of my own way? AM I WILLING TO DO THE WORK TO GET WHAT I WANT?
Seems simple. So why is it so hard?
HABITS and CHOICE

Habits, whether good or bad, are CULTIVATED. They only grow where you water them. Then we have choice. And I can’t emphasize this enough... our choices are what dictate our circumstances!
CHOOSING TO CHANGE IS HARD.
Change is scary and there is a loss of control. Healing isn’t pretty and magical. It’s exhausting and uncomfortable. It takes effort and diligence. IT DOESN’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT. But, you must continue on and do the work.

Stop beating yourself up. Stop trying to paint it other than what it is. Surrender to the flow. If you don’t like something, fix it. BE PATIENT TO AND FORGIVING OF YOURSELF. Most importantly, don’t give up! “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” - Colossians 3:23

Instagram post 2240495084053302462_5826875204

I went to an event last night with a friend and as we were taking pictures, I couldn’t help but notice how tired I looked... like drained of all energy. It was so prevalent - no filter could change it.

But it was more than just being tired. I’ve felt so empty for so long and as I watch myself heal I can literally see changes in my body, my face and in my thought processes.
I had a rough emotional day yesterday - mostly due in part to hormones - but, I had an exchange that made me take a deeper look into getting rid of toxicity.

During an emotional conversation, I got baited. By someone very close to me. Someone I trust and whose mind and opinion are more valuable to me than anything tangible. Someone who knows my secrets. I sat alone today processing these thoughts and I’ve come to one conclusion.
GOD DOES NOT GIVE US WHAT WE WANT - HE GIVES US WHAT WE NEED.

At first, I was angry. Behaviors like baiting can be dangerous and damaging to someone’s heart. But the more I thought about the context of things, the more I realized this wasn’t about me. And if it was... I WANT THESE INTERACTIONS TO OCCUR.

Because they are harmful and I want them gone! I want to rid myself of impurities in thought, feeling and body. I want to expel everything that is damaging to me. I WANT TO EMPTY MY BUCKET, SO I CAN FILL IT WITH ALL THAT IS GOOD FOR ME!

Sometimes it takes the perspective of others to see what we cannot. So if I’m being TRULY authentic to myself and honest with CHANGING - I want people, especially those closest to me, to call me out on my bullshit. I want them to challenge my all or nothing mindset.
We cannot grow by ourselves. I am not going to be great alone. I am going to be the assembly of all of the goodness that makes up my circle. They say you are who you spend the most time with. Therefore, I’m not serving others by being less than my best!

I’m fortunate enough to have some of the most amazing minds & friendships as a resource on my journey to self-transformation and discovery. Find YOUR tribe and love them HARD. YOU CAN’T DO EPIC SHIT WITH BASIC PEOPLE and neither can they. Don’t be a prisoner to your past!
NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES. 🙏✨

Instagram post 2236890593450028355_5826875204

** BEFORE || AFTER ** One of my goals this year was to step outside of my box; get out of my comfort zone and be vulnerable! I want share my story with others in hopes of being a lighthouse. Everybody hurts and there is so much beauty in being a beacon for someone who may be struggling.
Over the last year and a half I hit an emotional slump and ended up gaining 30 lbs back of the 90 I originally lost.
In September I made a goal to lose 20 lbs by the end of the year. I wanted to start chipping away at the chip on my shoulder and regain some of my happiness. I reached that goal in early January.
It hasn’t been easy. I am an empath! I feel everything deeply; I take on energies. It has always been my nature to care for others. But I never devote the same energy to myself.

I imagine if I gave a third of what I give to others to myself, I’d be a badass. But, one of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the last few months is that I don’t have to set myself on fire to keep others warm.
READ THAT AGAIN.
I’m coming to a place where I can care for others but I don’t have to feel RESPONSIBLE per se for their actions. I’m beginning to feel more like a messenger - a vessel. I’m coming to a place where I feel GOOD about taking care of MYSELF while still caring for those closest to me.

It’s hard for us to watch those we love struggle, but just as there is a plan for you, so is there for others. It is their right and obligation to figure that plan out. It is not up to you to decide. You cannot make their choices for them, but rather hold their hand while they choose for themselves.
It is my prayer to become so good at being myself that I can effortlessly lift others up to be the best version of themselves. I’m slowly coming to that place and it’s beginning to feel like the right place to be. “But Moses hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.” Exodus 17:12

Instagram post 2235750068114266290_5826875204

Copyright © 2020 · Theme by Blog Pixie